


Through pain we come in full cirlce

by angels.02.music



Category: iCarly
Genre: Angst, Hurt-Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-20
Updated: 2010-01-20
Packaged: 2013-10-04 19:30:00
Rating: T
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5682385/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1866711/angels-02-music
Summary: Pain for pain. Blood for blood. Sam P's Journal entry: January 18, 2010





	Through pain we come in full cirlce

**A/N: best if no person under 13 read this.

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_January 18, 2010_

There are different types of pain that a person can encounter in life, all of which caused by someone else, whether purposely or unintentionally done.

There's physical pain, caused by someone else punching you, bumping into you, tripping you… like all of those that I used to endure when I was still a little kid. Then I grew up, I became the hurter, not the hurt. Then there's emotional hurt, wherein it feels like someone drove a metaphorical dagger through you. This happened when someone insults you, expresses disappointment in you, or… worse yet… when you find out that the person you love has totally closed all chances of ever being with you.

I just found out today, that both (yes, there's two) of my best friends kissed… well more like made out on a bed (which in my opinion shouldn't happen until way into a person's relationship. One of those two, was the person I loved.

Along with pain comes with how to deal with it. This one, varies with your age. When you're a naïve little kid you think that a bandage over any wound added with a kiss from someone you love can heal all wounds… but once you grow up it changes…You have to learn to suck it up and find out a way to handle it. Because there isn't always bandages and kisses waiting for you. Usually there's more pain. But then again, people deal with pain differently. I being me, handle it… differently.

In my life there's so much pain, too much disappointment, and too less comfort. To me, it makes sense, that numbering on the people who you disappointed; you deserve to feel pain in return to make up for it. It only seems logical. Blood for blood. Pain for pain.

I can handle most things. I am me. I can handle pain, hurt, hate… but I can never, _never _handle disappointment. And it seems that disappointment is the thing that surrounds me… coming from all the people around me.

The moment that I heard about my best friends kissing I felt like someone stabbed me at the lungs, puncturing holes on them, disabling my ability to breath. Then searing pain.

I waited, waited for an explanation, of what happened before and after.

But then, stupid me, I should have never done that.

When she said that she went in the shower to help him I wanted to hit her. Slap her so hard for even doing that, which made me feel angry at myself. I would not hurt my best friends, especially after her near death experience.

When she started to explain how awkward it was when they were slowly leaning into each other I clenched my hands so tight I could feel my nails digging into my skin.

When it came to the kiss… I just couldn't take it. I stood up, giving an excuse that I forgot to go get some more ammo for my weapon.

I could barely remember running to my house, getting my journal (which is you) and climbing up to the roof, which guarantees me total exclusion from the world.

I took out my wallet, taking what I needed.

I held it in my hand and looked at it. I wanted to start now, digging it through my skin… drawing out blood… letting all of pent up emotions flow out with it until it leaves me numb. But somehow I couldn't. This was because I didn't want to stain my best friends' special day with my blood. I'll wait 'till after midnight. Then I could start.

I look at my watch. 11:47. I guess I'll be wrapping up my rambling now. Pain for pain. I'm finally getting what I deserve. All the pain I've caused is right back at me. Blood for blood. For all the blood I've taken. I'm here to return.

Here's in hopes that I will get to write to you again,

_Sam_


End file.
